Day 11

I miss my students.  I miss going to and from work (the peaceful time).  I miss getting dressed up to leave the house.  I miss the act of teaching to a live classroom.  I miss my boot camp/exercise class and my exercise buddies.  I miss going into a grocery store with no fear of getting what I need.  I miss not being worried when I leave my house, wondering if this is the day that my asthmatic self will catch this virus.

I am grateful that I have a job in which I can work from home and get a paycheck, thus allowing me to pay my bills and not be financially struggling during the quarantine.  I am grateful if the stimulus package passes because my husband can't work right now due to the quarantine, and he's getting no money in except unemployment - and the stimulus package gives additional federal money, thus allowing him to pay his bills and not be financially struggling during the quarantine.  I'm grateful that we're married because individually we'd have a more difficult time.  I'm grateful that I get to spend more time with my dog.  I am grateful that I'm living a simpler life - less eating out, less shopping, less need to be constantly stimulated.  I'm grateful that I have toilet paper and didn't need to panic buy/stocked up before the panic (because I just got a Costco card last summer and use it for all of my home goods).

I'm worried about what life will look like soon.  I'm worried that tempers flaring will explode.  I'm worried that there will be stark lines between those who want to open the country back up because it's financially necessary and those who want the country to stay shut longer to protect people from getting sick.  I'm worried that we'll go into a depression.  I'm worried that life will be soon what my grandparents lived: ration coupons, $5 loaves of bread, etc.  I'm worried that our country's seemingly sound foundation is just a stone facade hiding delicate threads.   I'm worried that my trip to London will be postponed because I won't be able to afford an airline ticket.  I'm worried that the shut-down from the virus is emotionally taking a toll on my extraverted husband who is looking for a job in a time where most places aren't even entertaining the idea of hiring.

I'm a mixture of these emotions and so much more.